2009 ... Two questions and a good feeling about something ...
Almost 56 years thinking of being the conductor of my own journey of life, traveling from one place to another.
I like to stand still for a short while in this moment.
If you allow me, I like to share something with you, but also allow me be very clear,
I have no intention at all, to drift away on mystical clouds.
My life is and will always be based in a practical and realistic approach of things, that's why this story....
Maybe I am a little optimistic and idealistic but that is in this life not always a disadvantage.
After all those years, all that is left to me;
Two questions and a good feeling about something......
I am very grateful to life..... But there are two questions and a feeling.....
I feel gratitude and awe, for what I am, and all what is given to me.....
But there are still two questions and a feeling.....
When I look back and I see, all the organizations, projects, structures and objects,
with whom I was involved and I was able to share and to fill up with my fantasy, passion and drive.
I may feel proud and I may feel contented, and to be honest.....
Yes I am, I feel proud and contend ...
But there are still two questions and a feeling ...
My first question is;
Where am I now?
And my second question is;
Is this, is this all there is?
Let me start with my first question ...
Long time ago, when I was 18 years young, I had many great desires and a lengthy list of goals.
And I had also at that time, a believe that, when I was able to reach that moment in my life and
accomplishing all my great desires and goals, then there must be an "everlasting great happiness" in my life.
At that time, there was nothing that could have convinced me, that I was wrong.
It was to some extend of what I call nowadays; "My Young Man Disease".
It was a new day, a new dawn and a new ride...
And now, at this moment in space, time and circumstance, I may say and can say,
almost everything is there ....."Mission almost accomplished".....
Did it creates and gives it me, an enduring sense of "everlasting great happiness"?
Contrasted aspects, yes and no, often my mind has a lot of happiness, peace, fun, love, joy and harmony.
Sometimes my mind suffers, it has sorrows and it is confronted with disappointments.
From time to time the body feels pain.....
And on occasion the mind is upset and out of my control ...
But there are still two questions and a there is still a feeling ...
What I have learned in the last 40 years is that it is crucial to remain independent of positive and/or negative opinions of other people.
I have learned to make assessments of other people not more important then my own.
I have also learned not to become a slave of the outside praise or criticism of others,
I know now and I have learned that seeking favors of others is degrading your personality.
I don't like and I don't want living anymore by laws or morality of other, whom want to tell me, who I am .....
and that I must live in line with my cultural and social conditionings.
I want to be an instrument in the hands of my eternal-self.
I know now, that I can and must trust my own eternal-self and nothing else.
The circle of life goes over from a sleep into a state of awake and arises.
I want to live in freedom and in the simplicity of my born nature.
I also think that it is time to end my quest and obsession for understanding, adoration, assets, money and power;
because I have learned that it is a waste of time and energy, because there is never enough to please me in this ego-based world.
I realize now that; I came from "no thing" and I will go back to nothing.
It is time to clean up my internal loft, my internal basement and my internal lumber-room.
My temporary internal container is full; all my storage space is crammed with "bits and pieces".
I collected it myself and some of the things where given to me by others,
with all kind of good intentions and for sure for good reasons; personal-meanings,
thoughts, ego-driven ideas, concepts, opinions, judgments, labels, advices, hypothesis, sayings, advice, etc.....
I like to thank you, for all of your great and beautiful "gifts".
It made me partly, of what I am today. Many thanks for that.
Me, "Purusha" must be somewhere under this pile of "external knowledge-gifts" and
also jailed in my own prison of my "former conditioning" and "intellect of external knowledge".
He.... He.... I found myself!
I am totally covered under "the ballast of life".
Here I am....!
This is maybe the answer on my first question.
Now I need time to clean up the unwanted and needless stuff.
It is the time for my "end-of-season" clear-out.
I am very grateful and happy, that this time is given to me now, and that I am aloud and can work on my self-cultivation.
I have a lot of work to do, so don't ask me; what will you do tomorrow Michiel? ...
To be honest, I have almost no time to think about the answer on your question,
I am very busy from now on..... Again! ..... But now I will work with other motives.
I am very well aware that change is the only constant in Universe and in my life.
It is the closer of a phase in my life and the opening of a new one in the never ending circle of my life.
I realize that it will be the return to my inner root.
I hope that on one day, I may and will recover what I lost in time,
the wisdom that I had on the day that I was born when I was free of the believe
that acquisition of power was important, empty and open for everything what was new on my path of life.
I want to learn to be more an observer of my own life and that from others.
I am looking forward to the moment, when I will fully ascend in my own eternal-self.
Why I like to go for the almost impossible, I don't know, but let me go for the unknown, just let me go for the highest.
I like to know what makes me "tick".
And do not worry; all my effort is powered by my own desire, nobody is forcing me.
O yeah....... My second question you will ask?
Is this, is this all there is ?
I hope that I will find out that answer soon, after the clean-up.
"One-by-One" or as Zen is telling us;
"If you need to chop wood, chop wood and do nothing else".
If you have interest and you want to know, tell me, and I will inform you later... I hope.
At the beginning of this other part of my life. I have a good feeling about this new initiative,
I'm not thinking at all about the outcome.
To be honest, I don't care about the outcome!
The only thing I know, I will arrive.
I have the feeling that I will enjoy every moment of this trip.
There is a new day, a new dawn and a new ride.....
I wish you all, a day in peace, love and harmony.....
Bless yourself and all the other people around you.
I hope that you all may be fine.
Enjoy life and try to find joy in everything you do.
I will see you in the third field at Akasha.
11 December, 2009
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* Akasha *
A gift from Dharmakaya.
It is the natural gift of desire, intention and attention ...
2009 ... Know Yourself .